As I sat here and thought about all of the wonderful, usually “little” things that I accomplished this week that made me feel SO productive like running errands, babysitting, cleaning the house, entertaining guests, making several new delicious meals….(wow, I’m tired just thinking about it!) this is what came to my mind:
Motherhood is full of joy. It is also filled with pain. You are gifted with the smallest and most vulnerable of God’s creation to love and raise with wisdom and patience. It is an awesome responsibility, one that I feel privileged and terrified to have all at the same time.
Motherhood is joy because of the smiles, laughter and hugs. Chubby hands holding your own, kisses from sweet baby lips, tickles on soft, velvety skin, listening to high pitched little people voices and praying over them and watching the soft, even rise and fall of their chest as they sleep peacefully. Amazing. Your heart swells with so much love and tenderness, pride and protectiveness that it almost hurts sometimes. I would absolutely, in a heartbeat, die for my sons.
And yet, Motherhood is also filled with pain. My own mother-in-love told me this before we had children but I didn’t understand then. I do now. You love this small person so much and pour out so much of yourself into them and when they look at you defiantly and yell, “No!” or hit you or look at you with anger; you feel pain. When you have to discipline your child because you only want the best for them, you feel pain. When you make mistakes as a parent, there is incredible pain.
I don’t often feel that I have much to “toot” about myself as a mother, often focusing on my mistakes and need to “do better” and “change,” but I do know this: I love my sons with every single breath that I have, through the frustrating moments and times I want to rip my hair out to the moments where my heart melts and is a puddle around my tired, aching feet. I LOVE my children and that deep, unshakable love causes me to want to be a better person, to change and be the best example I can be for them. Being a mother has made me more selfless, more kind, a better listener, a stronger person because I have to be strong for them, more mature but most of all, it has helped me better understand the love that God has for me. I love being a mother and THAT makes me want to toot my own horn!