Three’s the Limit?

Three of the hardest days I’ve had this summer have happened this week. I hardly know what to write, once again feeling chagrined at having yet another non-positive post!

This was the worst morning of school yet. I am hoping, praying, pleading and desperate for there to be a change tomorrow! Zakkai continues to do well and I look forward to him learning new skills in preschool. He really loves it and talks about his teacher and the other kids in his class constantly. So far he only knows the name of his 3 teachers (2 teachers and the aide) and 3 girls:) A ladies’ boy? Aiyiyiyi!

My poor Samuel continues to struggle. I feel like I am at the breaking point with all of the stresses of these past few weeks: the continued struggle to find a car, Ben teaching his intensive which leaves him rarely home and very tired when he is and Samuel struggling so much with school. I could really use a few days off!!

This morning Ben and I worked out him coming to drop-off so that he could see what is going on. I took Z in and made it back outside in time to see Samuel starting to cry as Ben guided him in line with his class. No amount of talking helped him. He continued to get more and more upset, refusing to hold his teacher’s hand or to walk with his friend, Fiona. Then the VP stepped in, a woman I admit I have not been impressed with this week, and said she would take him. Ben had to force me to walk away as she carried him inside the school screaming and crying, “I don’t know her! Please don’t make me go! I don’t know her!”

My heart broke into a million pieces and I started sobbing on the sidewalk as Ben led me to the car so that he could get to work on time. When I called the school 35 min later, they told me Samuel was doing fine then and was calm.

Thankfully I was able to talk to the preschool teachers when picking up Z (not without crying, of course!) and they offered some suggestions for how to help Samuel in the mornings. S’s teacher called me this afternoon during prep time to talk over our new strategy and to reassure me that he isn’t staying upset during the day. We are going to try to drop S off at his classroom before the teacher goes to line up the others and he will be her “special helper” to get the room ready and go collect his friends. We will gradually phase out of it as he , hopefully, adjusts.

He seemed okay with the idea this afternoon but told Ben tonight, “I don’t like kindergarten.” This boy, who is reverting to sucking his fingers more and hides under the covers in the morning and looks at me with heart-breaking eyes full of tears is the reason I get with painful clarity why my m-i-l told me being a mother can be the most wonderful and yet the most painful experience!

I wouldn’t trade a minute of it in for anything in the world! But I do wish it were easier….

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It was so nice to have my sister and her husband here for several days. It gave us a chance to let down a bit, forget about the car stuff and have fun playing games (my bro in law is a master game-lover!) and doing fun things. We overwhelmed them with their first trip to Ikea on Monday, unfortunately choosing the bigger Chicago location on a very busy day! There is so much to take in that it is totally over-stimulating but I think they were happy b/c they walked away with a “new” coffee table for their living room at a discounted price from the ‘As Is’ section!

Plus there was that $1.99 breakfast… And I got to spend some alone time with my sister as we casually popped over to two of our very favorite stores: JoAnn’s and Target. I really loved sharing that time with you, K!

For now, I am going to lay my very weary head down to sleep and pray for a new start tomorrow…

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One thought on “Three’s the Limit?

  1. Oh dear, I am so sorry for what you're going through. It almost brings tears to my eyes. I can't help but think of you and the struggles you had going to school. I think it is probably even harder to watch Samuel go through this when you know how you felt going to school. I'll be praying…

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