I am feeling so discouraged tonight. It’s one of those days where I want to throw in the towel and send the kids to school where a teacher can do a much better job than me. Not to discourage anyone from homeschooling or anything but….it’s really hard!
I am mom and teacher combined 24/7 and it’s quite frankly, exhausting. I’m really tired. Yesterday, I actually shunned my Sunday afternoon nap in lieu of wandering around Kohl’s by myself for an hour. I just really needed some time not to be needed. Not to talk. Not to think about anything important. Not to focus on all the areas where I have messed up. Not to be anything but a random shopper, lost in the afternoon crowd.
I rarely get time to myself. I think I offended an acquaintance when I didn’t go to her baby shower last month because Ben was working a weekend sale and I would’ve had to bring all three kids with me and I just.couldn’t.do.it. They come with me everywhere!
We go to the bank together, the grocery store, my cleaning jobs, ballet, tae kwon do, drs appointments, car repair appointments, dentist appointments. Everywhere.
Don’t get me wrong. I adore them. I really do and if I write long enough, I’ll have to justify my negativity with all the great stuff I love about being a mom and homeschooling.
But this post isn’t about that. It’s about me being real and letting down my guard for 5 seconds to say that tonight I feel like a really bad mom and teacher. We had a tough morning, an ok afternoon and then when we had our family round-up meeting tonight, we had to rehash some stuff with the boys and we all walked away feeling “Ick.”
Okay, ready for real, non-Pinteresty, non-facebooky life? This morning, I was so frustrated with the boys’ attitudes over their speech class and assignment (an ongoing problem) that after 2 hours of trying to work with them, I left the room almost in tears, shut myself in my bedroom for 5 minutes, screamed once in my pillow, did 50 jumping jacks and 10 hard-core push-ups (I think I figured out the secret to good push-up! Stress!) and got down on my knees and asked God for help.
Then we took a break and ripped out the rest of the dead plants in the garden (also good for stress!) and I left the kids digging in the dirt while I went in to make lunch.
Mondays are tough. Monday is a very full day of getting back into routine, lots of school work, ballet and TKD. We get home at 7:45, eat dinner around 8pm and don’t get everyone in bed until after well after 9pm, which is late for a certain little kindergartner, I know.
I’m just so glad that tomorrow is a new day and that the Lord’s compassions and mercies are new each morning. I really need that.