The Ugly Place of Discouragement.

Today we are feeling really discouraged, hence my ugly post. We have spent the last two days actively looking for a place to live and we have discovered two things about Ohio that we didn’t know. a) places to live are way overpriced, often comparable to Chicago or even MORE unless they are rundown and creepy and then the price is amazing and b) you are expected to make 3 times the rent amount in income to qualify.

What in the world are we doing here? How are we in this place where nothing makes sense? Why did we think it was a good idea to pack up our life and every earthly possession and uproot our kids to move a few states away? We are in this bizarre waiting/hanging on period where God doesn’t make sense. Why is it so easy for some people and we have to live like nomads with no home and no great income and no prospects for some amazing job that will get us a place to live in the first place? What is God trying to teach us???

I am just feeling so very frustrated. We only have 2 more weeks of approved time to spend at my grandparents before they have to request special permission for us to stay on longer. And who wants to have a family of 5 staying with them for a month anyways? Seriously.

We felt like God was asking us to let it all go and walk away for awhile. It’s too crazy that every single job didn’t pan out this year and every single door was slammed shut in our faces. He has demanded everything from us. We have nothing left to depend on. Nothing left to make our god in His place. Where is He right now?

We are looking down and there is no trampoline to break our fall. No miracles to pull out of our hat. No long-lost rich great-uncle to pass away and leave us a million dollars in his will. No rent-free home waiting empty for our family and my piano that is even now getting damaged in the storage unit that leaks from the rain.

We are waking up each morning choosing to trust that He has not left us and that He will provide for our family. But that’s not easy some days! We are in a place of choosing to be thankful that we can have food to eat today and that we do have a roof over our heads for another 2 weeks and that we are all healthy and together. I know that in these uncertain trials in our lives we have a choice: We can walk away from God, choosing to believe He has abandoned us and doesn’t care about our hurts and needs or we can choose to trust He loves us and that His plan is ultimately better for us, even if it doesn’t make much sense in the right now.

We would definitely appreciate prayers, that we can keep our eyes fixed on what is truly important: becoming more like Jesus and trusting that all the other things will be given to us in time. How can these trials do anything but strengthen us and make us more dependent on Him?

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